Monday, Mar. 28, 2005 - 9:48 a.m.
This time I behaved like a coward. I did what I never do and always criticised in other people. I've blamed this weekend of dangerous eccess on everyone else but myself.
Now I know why people do it. You don't feel guilty afterwards while you're in a car with a girl going 80 and wired out of her mind, and you're so gone that you actually visualize your own death slowly creeping up behind you in the form of a speeding SUV. I surely thought I was going to die this weekend, or at least get arrested. The worst part was that not once did I think of the kids I still want or the relationship or my school or my family. I just thought that it would be a quick way to get rid of all my pain.
For those of you who thought you tried, you didn't try hard enough.
For those who didn't stand up for me like I did for you, you will regret it most of all.
For those who thought "She'll get over it, she's a big girl" - you could not have been more wrong.
For that person who this weekend didn't let me get a word edgewise, you opened up my eyes...and the world is scary.
My body's been draining me dry for the past four weeks and I am pale and weak and don't know how to regain all that blood loss, and I need a doctor.
It will take some people a while to notice the empty corpse that drags itself from work to school and doesn't eat very much and doesn't talk very much and doesn't care at all.
